I don't want you to hear me. [ but here he is anyway.
ramuda stares back, feeling a mess of things and hating that fact most of all. ]
But I told you already, the first time we spoke in private. [ he'd hate himself more for it but what else could he do at that point? ]
I'll die without the lollipops. I was made that way. [ a tool, a doll, something to be used and discarded when he wasn't useful anymore. ] If I kill her they just let me die a long death instead of a short one.
[By all means, stare. Glare daggers at him. Lobelia doesn't mind, finding the honesty as refreshing as a blade dragged clean across his bare skin.]
Besides... you've fought all your battles alone, haven't you? Perhaps because that's safest, or because you believe your battle isn't one worth dragging others into... and I understand. But here is the unvarnished truth, Ramuda: you chose loneliness. It did not choose you.
[He leans in.]
Have you considered, even once, relying on others? What stops you?
[Lobelia's smile softens, still sharp at the edges, but a touch more thoughtful. He doesn't flinch from Ramuda's glare or the bite behind his words. If anything, the honesty draws him closer.]
Ah... so you do need them. That's all I wanted to hear.
[He straightens, letting the weight of Ramuda's history settle between them. Japan, power, conquest, loss. It's more than Lobelia expected, and he treats it as such.]
And you weren't alone until circumstance forced your hand. I believe you. I do. But tell me, when that moment came, when you had to stand alone at last, did anyone stop you?
Did anyone reach for you? Fight to keep you beside them? Or did you simply decide it hurt less to pretend solitude was your choice?
[He leans in again, voice dropping into something gentle but unyielding.]
Needing others doesn't make you weak, but believing you're only allowed to need them when it's convenient for everyone else... that is the loneliest leash of all.
[ ramuda wants to get away, he really does. but this topic, this person—he's never been anything even remotely related to the word control when he comes to mind.
stop looking at him. there's no point, because you'll do the same as everyone does, as he did. ]
They didn't. [ he says that with an air of indifference because he is used to it, it is normal, and he has adapted to it as well as a fish can adapt to living in a nearly parched pond. ]
Especially him. [ ...but this is said with pure and utter hatred.
he wants to kill ichijiku first. but he'd kill jakurai second. ]
[Whatever Ramuda desperately wishes to hide from his eyes is nothing Lobelia would balk at. There's nothing ugly, nothing miserable, nothing but a man who is beautifully raw just as he is. So Lobelia looks at him. He won't look anywhere else.]
Him?
[Go on, then. Elucidate him. Lobelia isn't pushy, but he's insistent in the way he keeps Ramuda in his orbit, refusing to allow him to recede into himself. That won't solve matters. That only makes festering wounds worse.]
Jakurai Jinguji. He's a doctor he's— [ why did he even bother to say his name? he knows he can't contain himself once jakurai is on his mind let alone on his lips.
it's so stupid, it's so—
—ramuda's lucky that his anger doesn't let him see how similar these two situations are, similar, but yet entirely different. jakurai was like this too, jakurai wanted to see him and jakurai often looked at ramuda with cool, kind, eyes and told him that he didn't need to hide himself.
what a joke. ]
—nosy, a busybody, always has to help everyone and always thinks that he knows better than them too. He kept telling me he wanted to see the "real" me. So he could fix me? So he could judge me? So he could understand me?
There is no "real" me. All of this is me.
[ lobelia knows now that this is true too, that there is no fake ramuda but there are different layers, different reflections, but that doesn't make them any less real or genuine. ]
[Lobelia listens through the whole unraveling without flinching. Not at Ramuda's anger, nor the self-loathing licking at the edges of every word. He has seen men weaponize pain, but Ramuda? Ramuda turns it inward until it bleeds.]
Ah, mon cher... so that is the ghost clinging to your ribs.
[He leans in, not crowding but close enough that Ramuda can feel the steadiness of his presence rather than the hollow panic of memory.]
You think he wanted to "fix" you? To peel you apart until you were neat and comprehensible? Non. That is the mistake you're still suffering under. He wanted to see you, the whole of you, and you hated him for it because being known hurts more than any blade.
[His hand lifts, thumb grazing Ramuda's cheekbone, not quite a touch, but an invitation.]
There is no "real" you? Then good. It means every layer is true. Every reflection. Every contradiction. I see all of them when I look at you, and none of it frightens me. None of it disgusts me. And I have not once tried to make you into something else.
[A faint smile, crooked and soft in a way he shows no one else.]
If he made you feel small, I won't. If he made you feel dissected, I won't. I am not here to fix you. Only to know you as you are, as you change, as you burn. Him? He is the past. Toi et moi... we're right here.
[ ramuda feels a mix of things. he hears words he rejects and words that confuse him and he sees something that catches his eye. it's a distraction at least, from an all consuming bitter anger. ]
I hate him for it because once he pried his way in, he didn't like what he saw. [ and ramuda was a fool for not shoving him back properly after his xth attempt.
the thought doesn't linger as his eyes track the movement, looking up properly at the man who says such dangerous words. words he wants but that he doesn't want to believe, who says he wants to see him and who says he wants to watch him burn. should that concern ramuda? he finds it alluring instead, in the same way the smile on his lips calls to him.
he considers what to say and decides he can concede this at least. ]
Nous sommes ici. Toi et moi. [ ...his accents pretty good actually.
up on his tippy toes he goes, grabbing the soft flowing fabric of his robes to meet his lips and his tongue. it hurts, but it's satisfying—here they are in this moment, undeniably so. ]
[Ramuda's French, soft and precise, hits Lobelia square in the heart. It cuts through his composure like a knife through butter. The kiss that meets him is painful, sharp, and that pain is exactly the catalyst: his breath breaks against Ramuda's mouth as if something old and feral has been kicked awake inside his ribs.]
...Oui.
[The word is a sigh at first, gentleβ then Ramuda's tongue drags against his, and the tenderness fractures. Lobelia's hand comes up to cup the back of Ramuda's head, not forceful, but claiming. He leans in, deepens it, lets the kiss grow from soft warmth into something ravenous. Each sting of pain only makes him pull Ramuda closer, as if he can devour the ache before it turns inward again.]
You see? Nous sommes ici.
[He breathes the words against Ramuda's lips, voice low, unsteady in its hunger. It's an oath disguised as encouragement. The kiss returns sharper, hungrier, his teeth catching Ramuda's lower lip in a promise that is equal parts devotion and ruin.]
I'm right here. Je reste.
[His free hand slides to Ramuda's waist, fingers tightening just enough to ground him, to answer every unspoken fear with touch instead of language. The kiss grows harsher again, not dominance, not comfort, but something in between. Something that says he'll meet every jagged edge Ramuda brings and never once turn away.]
[ oh. he's pulled in but that's more than fine, it's welcome, it's what he wanted on so many levels—spare him from the thoughts of his past, spare him from worries about how dangerous this is for his heart.
the affection cuts sharp enough to pull noises from him, but it certainly doesn't damper his enthusiasm. he really doesn't look it, but his tenacity in taking damage and pain is among the best in all of the drb.
is that blood on his tongue? he laughs, a breathless giggle. ]
...Moi aussi. [ he'll stay here too, they'll stay here together—why would he leave? ramuda can't think of a reason why he would. not now. ]
Okaay, but come closer~. [ ramuda backs up, what does he hit first? lobelia'a desk? he leans back into it stopping short of falling back completely, fingers digging tighter into lobelia's back as he does.
he answers the sharper kisses note for note, up until he brings his teeth down to rake across his tongue. it's sweet and sharp, pointed like the edge of a candycane and ramuda drinks in the taste greedily. ]
[It's a simple affair to scoop Ramuda up and sit him on the desk proper. He weighs so little, easy to whisk up into his arms, but Ramuda isn't a weakling. If he wanted to push back, Lobelia fully expects he'd put him in his place in no time flat. That contrast is what draws Lobelia to him like a moth to flame.]
[Lobelia isn't one to quit while he's ahead, after all. Scoping the curve of Ramuda's throat with his palm, Lobelia brings his lips to it, threatens the soft skin with the needling bite of his teeth. There's blood on Ramuda's skin when Lobelia draws his tongue along it, but whether it's his own or Ramuda's, he can't tell. All he knows is that it encourages him to bite down and suck out a bruise that will linger on his skin long after they depart.]
[ all ramuda can think when lobelia's teeth find his neck is finally. it's probably not what he should be thinking but oh well—he expects the pain from a touch like this which just means he sinks into it readily, moaning a little as he does. ]
I think you tempted me first. You've finally bitten me and all I can think of is why you waited so long to do so~. [ his fingers find their way into lobelia's hair, gentle caresses at odds with the bite of teeth. it's all encouragement, including the way he tilts his neck to provide more access: mark him up as much as you like, it's what he wants. ]
[Hey, it's not like Lobelia would have a different reaction to being bitten by Ramuda. He's only fortunate that the pain doesn't scare Ramuda off... rather, it propels him closer, doesn't it?
But Ramuda will learn the consequences of enabling Lobelia when he can barely turn his neck after this. He bites him again just beneath the curve of his jaw where it meets his ear. His words are a whisper against his skin.]
Hm? And just how long have you been wanting this from me? It's not nice to keep secrets, you know.
[ it's okay he will be rocking cute turtlenecks all week and nala would do him a solid in strip anyway so he has no regrets!
ahhh, but the skin there is sensitive so he does gasp as his teeth sink into him, but there's definite euphoria in the sound too. he's really not a masochist but he is in a mood; plus it takes all kind of flavors to accentuate sweetness, doesn't it? ]
Hehe, weren't you the one who said I was a demon? But... [ speaking whisper soft as you bite him is it's own type of sin. ]
What if I wanted more than this? Would you give it to me? [ a question for a question because ramuda is himself. his fingertips continue to thread through lobelia's hair, fingernails gently plucking at his scalp. ]
[Lobelia already knows the answer to Ramuda's question, but where would be the fun in giving it to him right away? Lobelia makes a show of mulling it overβ drumming his fingers on Ramuda's thigh, fussing with an earring. Hm hm hm~]
I would have you ask for it plainly, tout d'abord.
[Again, not because he doesn't get the implication, but because it's more fun to tease Ramuda silly first.]
Or would you quail at the thought? You're quite sensitive, non? And perhaps just as easily embarrassed.
[ wow! teasing him like this...ramuda really doesn't mind, if anything, his eyes seem brighter than usual. he leans back on lobelia's desk fully, like he belongs there. ]
Awwww, are you teasing me? That isn't very nice either! [ he purses his lips in a pout, playing up his end. ] It's either that or I really need to sing you a song of mine.....
[ ramuda amemura, who without fail always has overt sexual connotations in all of his solos which is saying something for japanese standards of promiscuity. so of course: ]
I want you to fuck me. Or should I say...Encule-moi~.
[ this is something he already knew how to say, because he is himself and it's important to learn certain phrases first ♥. ]
[Ramuda knows the most important French phrases, and that alone earns him the curve of Lobelia's grin. He did tell him to ask plainly, and Ramuda has. No shame. No hesitation. No recoil. Precisely as it should be.
Lobelia looms over him like a storm about to break, drawing his hands along the shape of Ramuda's waist before sliding beneath his top, slow and deliberate, lifting fabric inch by inch as if unwrapping something fragile and beloved.]
Comme vous le souhaitez... But you do grasp, mon cΕur, that nothing will soften the pain. What you feel now will only deepen. It will hollow you out beautifully.
[A disclosure, not a warning. Ramuda wishes to be undone, so Lobelia will oblige, mouth tracing the line of his throat, the curve of his chest, the dip of his stomach, each kiss a promise to ruin him thoroughly.]
[ given that his style true to his entire shibuya aesthetic, is oversized fits, lobelia has a lot of room when he dips his hand under his top to feel around. his body is exactly as you would expect, small, slender; skin milky and soft. ramuda shifts as he does, mostly encouragement though some of it is a response to the biting trail his fingers leave. not that it would dissuade him at this point, nor will the deeper more painful touches.
he still huffs out a little laugh, some endorphins to go along with the mess of everything right now. it's a beautiful mess though, lovely and chaotic in a way that ramuda wants to hold close; his arms wrap around lobelia's shoulders as best he can in a non-verbal answer at the kisses. ]
Haha...but how could I be hollow if you're going to fill me?
[That's a question he lets linger as he presses kisses to the insides of Ramuda's thighsβ still clothed, of course, because he delights in teasing him. The pain will bloom through the fabric all the same. Maybe he's taking his time because that's simply Lobelia's way... or maybe he's that determined to make Ramuda beg. Either is equally likely.]
We can't stay entwined forever. I must give you a reason to miss me, non? something to yearn for.
Mnmmn~ [ okay, okay, he won't try to quiet himself anymore since that's what lobelia seems to want. besides, those kisses really are something with the way they're both teasing and painful. ]
That just makes it sound like you're going to carve a hole in me only for you. [ a sigh, breathy. ]
And then I'll need to ask for you, over and over again βͺ. [ is that what he wants? judging by the way his body is responding, ramuda doesn't seem to mind. ]
Be careful what you wish for, Cher. Meting out destruction comes easy to me.
[So much so that he's intentionally soft with Ramudaβ as much as this buzzing, incessant pain allows him to be. This man lives with all the self-destructive tendencies of someone with nothing left to lose... but that isn't true anymore, is it? What will it take to make Ramuda realize that?
Lobelia eases back just enough to give Ramuda some room to honor his next requestβ]
[ ramuda has nothing left to lose and everything left to lose; it's these two hypocritical beliefs that drive him. he cared about the dirty dawg deeply, more deeply than he ever meant to, that when the order finally came down to drive them all apart, ramuda felt his heart quiver. he shouldn't have gotten close to them but he did anyway, he shouldn't have left jakurai into his heart only for him to reject him. he spent every day with them like he had nothing to lose, all the while knowing that his time with them was the most precious thing he had since he gained consciousness.
...he isn't thinking about them right now. right now he's only thinking about the man before him who speaks to him in a melody that only they can hear. this is dangerous in so many ways, but this is what living is to him. if he can die at any moment then why not risk losing himself? he beckons death but he's terrified of it, but if he's not feeling is he really alive? he won't find his true smile any other way. ]
Hmmm.... [ ramuda's been marked before, consensual or otherwise. but never once has anyone given him any real choice in the matter.
he lets his arms drop to his sides so he can pull down the fabric of his pants some. far enough to reveal his right hip. yes here will do; no one else will see it unless he wants them to. his fingers tap across his skin there, like he's playing keys on a piano. ]
Here β~. But you better still fuck me after.
[ this is insane, he knows. but he also won't be denied. ]
[He tells himself he should think better of leaving a visible mark on Ramuda, but sometimes good intentions lose to impulse. Electricity snaps across his tongue just before impactβ then the pain blooms, sharp and exquisite, as his teeth break the skin on Ramuda's hip and sink in. Blood beads up and spills over.
Nothing that won't heal in due time, of course, but perhaps it will scar prettily. Give Ramuda something to notice in the mirror, to remember him by. Lobelia has always believed the best gifts are the permanent ones, the visceral ones.]
Malheureusement, I have nothing on hand to make this less fricative.
[In other words: no lube. They'll both regret this in their own ways, but it hardly matters. Lobelia has never feared a little lingering pain, and he doubts Ramuda does either. Still, he won't be entertaining any complaints later if Ramuda can't walk in a straight line without folding in half.
In either case, his fingers latch into the waistband of Ramuda's pants, his underwear, poised to tug them off and away.]
[ aah, that's—a bit more than he was expecting, and ramuda does cry out, squirming a little on reflex. but he did ask for this (why? even he doesn't know, as lost in the moment as he is). but he breathes out, a sigh turning into a smile that's as warm as the blood dripping down his broken skin, warm enough to reach his cheeks if lobelia looks close enough. ramuda isn't anywhere near shy, but even he gets caught off guard sometimes. it makes his heart race in anticipation and happiness.
(it will scar and be a visceral reminder on the otherside of the choices he made without thinking, and how he lost both his heart and head in them.) ]
Mmmn, that just means I'll feel you for longer~. [ ramuda will lift his hips to help in tugging his bottoms off, his cozy oversized wear making at least this part easy. his underwear is adorable also, because of course it is. he is also very aroused, but lobelia knew this already, didn't he? ]
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ramuda stares back, feeling a mess of things and hating that fact most of all. ]
But I told you already, the first time we spoke in private. [ he'd hate himself more for it but what else could he do at that point? ]
I'll die without the lollipops. I was made that way. [ a tool, a doll, something to be used and discarded when he wasn't useful anymore. ] If I kill her they just let me die a long death instead of a short one.
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[By all means, stare. Glare daggers at him. Lobelia doesn't mind, finding the honesty as refreshing as a blade dragged clean across his bare skin.]
Besides... you've fought all your battles alone, haven't you? Perhaps because that's safest, or because you believe your battle isn't one worth dragging others into... and I understand. But here is the unvarnished truth, Ramuda: you chose loneliness. It did not choose you.
[He leans in.]
Have you considered, even once, relying on others? What stops you?
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[ so yeah, he's a dog without a leash but he still has his collar.
a dog that's bristling, both at the truth and falsehood in lobelia's words. ]
Alone? I, we, conquered all of Japan as the most powerful group to have existed.
I wasn't alone until I had to be.
[ that's how it always is and that's how it always will be. it's almost cute that lobelia thinks ramuda had some choice in it. ]
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Ah... so you do need them. That's all I wanted to hear.
[He straightens, letting the weight of Ramuda's history settle between them. Japan, power, conquest, loss. It's more than Lobelia expected, and he treats it as such.]
And you weren't alone until circumstance forced your hand. I believe you. I do. But tell me, when that moment came, when you had to stand alone at last, did anyone stop you?
Did anyone reach for you? Fight to keep you beside them? Or did you simply decide it hurt less to pretend solitude was your choice?
[He leans in again, voice dropping into something gentle but unyielding.]
Needing others doesn't make you weak, but believing you're only allowed to need them when it's convenient for everyone else... that is the loneliest leash of all.
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stop looking at him. there's no point, because you'll do the same as everyone does, as he did. ]
They didn't. [ he says that with an air of indifference because he is used to it, it is normal, and he has adapted to it as well as a fish can adapt to living in a nearly parched pond. ]
Especially him. [ ...but this is said with pure and utter hatred.
he wants to kill ichijiku first. but he'd kill jakurai second. ]
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Him?
[Go on, then. Elucidate him. Lobelia isn't pushy, but he's insistent in the way he keeps Ramuda in his orbit, refusing to allow him to recede into himself. That won't solve matters. That only makes festering wounds worse.]
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it's so stupid, it's so—
—ramuda's lucky that his anger doesn't let him see how similar these two situations are, similar, but yet entirely different. jakurai was like this too, jakurai wanted to see him and jakurai often looked at ramuda with cool, kind, eyes and told him that he didn't need to hide himself.
what a joke. ]
—nosy, a busybody, always has to help everyone and always thinks that he knows better than them too. He kept telling me he wanted to see the "real" me. So he could fix me? So he could judge me? So he could understand me?
There is no "real" me. All of this is me.
[ lobelia knows now that this is true too, that there is no fake ramuda but there are different layers, different reflections, but that doesn't make them any less real or genuine. ]
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Ah, mon cher... so that is the ghost clinging to your ribs.
[He leans in, not crowding but close enough that Ramuda can feel the steadiness of his presence rather than the hollow panic of memory.]
You think he wanted to "fix" you? To peel you apart until you were neat and comprehensible? Non. That is the mistake you're still suffering under. He wanted to see you, the whole of you, and you hated him for it because being known hurts more than any blade.
[His hand lifts, thumb grazing Ramuda's cheekbone, not quite a touch, but an invitation.]
There is no "real" you? Then good. It means every layer is true. Every reflection. Every contradiction. I see all of them when I look at you, and none of it frightens me. None of it disgusts me. And I have not once tried to make you into something else.
[A faint smile, crooked and soft in a way he shows no one else.]
If he made you feel small, I won't. If he made you feel dissected, I won't. I am not here to fix you. Only to know you as you are, as you change, as you burn. Him? He is the past. Toi et moi... we're right here.
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I hate him for it because once he pried his way in, he didn't like what he saw. [ and ramuda was a fool for not shoving him back properly after his xth attempt.
the thought doesn't linger as his eyes track the movement, looking up properly at the man who says such dangerous words. words he wants but that he doesn't want to believe, who says he wants to see him and who says he wants to watch him burn. should that concern ramuda? he finds it alluring instead, in the same way the smile on his lips calls to him.
he considers what to say and decides he can concede this at least. ]
Nous sommes ici. Toi et moi. [ ...his accents pretty good actually.
up on his tippy toes he goes, grabbing the soft flowing fabric of his robes to meet his lips and his tongue. it hurts, but it's satisfying—here they are in this moment, undeniably so. ]
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...Oui.
[The word is a sigh at first, gentleβ then Ramuda's tongue drags against his, and the tenderness fractures. Lobelia's hand comes up to cup the back of Ramuda's head, not forceful, but claiming. He leans in, deepens it, lets the kiss grow from soft warmth into something ravenous. Each sting of pain only makes him pull Ramuda closer, as if he can devour the ache before it turns inward again.]
You see? Nous sommes ici.
[He breathes the words against Ramuda's lips, voice low, unsteady in its hunger. It's an oath disguised as encouragement. The kiss returns sharper, hungrier, his teeth catching Ramuda's lower lip in a promise that is equal parts devotion and ruin.]
I'm right here. Je reste.
[His free hand slides to Ramuda's waist, fingers tightening just enough to ground him, to answer every unspoken fear with touch instead of language. The kiss grows harsher again, not dominance, not comfort, but something in between. Something that says he'll meet every jagged edge Ramuda brings and never once turn away.]
Give me more.
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the affection cuts sharp enough to pull noises from him, but it certainly doesn't damper his enthusiasm. he really doesn't look it, but his tenacity in taking damage and pain is among the best in all of the drb.
is that blood on his tongue? he laughs, a breathless giggle. ]
...Moi aussi. [ he'll stay here too, they'll stay here together—why would he leave? ramuda can't think of a reason why he would. not now. ]
Okaay, but come closer~. [ ramuda backs up, what does he hit first? lobelia'a desk? he leans back into it stopping short of falling back completely, fingers digging tighter into lobelia's back as he does.
he answers the sharper kisses note for note, up until he brings his teeth down to rake across his tongue. it's sweet and sharp, pointed like the edge of a candycane and ramuda drinks in the taste greedily. ]
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Do you intend to keep tempting me? I would be careful if I were you, mon Γ©clair.
[Lobelia isn't one to quit while he's ahead, after all. Scoping the curve of Ramuda's throat with his palm, Lobelia brings his lips to it, threatens the soft skin with the needling bite of his teeth. There's blood on Ramuda's skin when Lobelia draws his tongue along it, but whether it's his own or Ramuda's, he can't tell. All he knows is that it encourages him to bite down and suck out a bruise that will linger on his skin long after they depart.]
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I think you tempted me first. You've finally bitten me and all I can think of is why you waited so long to do so~. [ his fingers find their way into lobelia's hair, gentle caresses at odds with the bite of teeth. it's all encouragement, including the way he tilts his neck to provide more access: mark him up as much as you like, it's what he wants. ]
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But Ramuda will learn the consequences of enabling Lobelia when he can barely turn his neck after this. He bites him again just beneath the curve of his jaw where it meets his ear. His words are a whisper against his skin.]
Hm? And just how long have you been wanting this from me? It's not nice to keep secrets, you know.
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ahhh, but the skin there is sensitive so he does gasp as his teeth sink into him, but there's definite euphoria in the sound too. he's really not a masochist but he is in a mood; plus it takes all kind of flavors to accentuate sweetness, doesn't it? ]
Hehe, weren't you the one who said I was a demon? But... [ speaking whisper soft as you bite him is it's own type of sin. ]
What if I wanted more than this? Would you give it to me? [ a question for a question because ramuda is himself. his fingertips continue to thread through lobelia's hair, fingernails gently plucking at his scalp. ]
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[Lobelia already knows the answer to Ramuda's question, but where would be the fun in giving it to him right away? Lobelia makes a show of mulling it overβ drumming his fingers on Ramuda's thigh, fussing with an earring. Hm hm hm~]
I would have you ask for it plainly, tout d'abord.
[Again, not because he doesn't get the implication, but because it's more fun to tease Ramuda silly first.]
Or would you quail at the thought? You're quite sensitive, non? And perhaps just as easily embarrassed.
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Awwww, are you teasing me? That isn't very nice either! [ he purses his lips in a pout, playing up his end. ] It's either that or I really need to sing you a song of mine.....
[ ramuda amemura, who without fail always has overt sexual connotations in all of his solos which is saying something for japanese standards of promiscuity. so of course: ]
I want you to fuck me. Or should I say...Encule-moi~.
[ this is something he already knew how to say, because he is himself and it's important to learn certain phrases first ♥. ]
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Lobelia looms over him like a storm about to break, drawing his hands along the shape of Ramuda's waist before sliding beneath his top, slow and deliberate, lifting fabric inch by inch as if unwrapping something fragile and beloved.]
Comme vous le souhaitez... But you do grasp, mon cΕur, that nothing will soften the pain. What you feel now will only deepen. It will hollow you out beautifully.
[A disclosure, not a warning. Ramuda wishes to be undone, so Lobelia will oblige, mouth tracing the line of his throat, the curve of his chest, the dip of his stomach, each kiss a promise to ruin him thoroughly.]
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he still huffs out a little laugh, some endorphins to go along with the mess of everything right now. it's a beautiful mess though, lovely and chaotic in a way that ramuda wants to hold close; his arms wrap around lobelia's shoulders as best he can in a non-verbal answer at the kisses. ]
Haha...but how could I be hollow if you're going to fill me?
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[That's a question he lets linger as he presses kisses to the insides of Ramuda's thighsβ still clothed, of course, because he delights in teasing him. The pain will bloom through the fabric all the same. Maybe he's taking his time because that's simply Lobelia's way... or maybe he's that determined to make Ramuda beg. Either is equally likely.]
We can't stay entwined forever. I must give you a reason to miss me, non? something to yearn for.
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That just makes it sound like you're going to carve a hole in me only for you. [ a sigh, breathy. ]
And then I'll need to ask for you, over and over again βͺ. [ is that what he wants? judging by the way his body is responding, ramuda doesn't seem to mind. ]
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[So much so that he's intentionally soft with Ramudaβ as much as this buzzing, incessant pain allows him to be. This man lives with all the self-destructive tendencies of someone with nothing left to lose... but that isn't true anymore, is it? What will it take to make Ramuda realize that?
Lobelia eases back just enough to give Ramuda some room to honor his next requestβ]
Show me where you want that hole carved into you.
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...he isn't thinking about them right now. right now he's only thinking about the man before him who speaks to him in a melody that only they can hear. this is dangerous in so many ways, but this is what living is to him. if he can die at any moment then why not risk losing himself? he beckons death but he's terrified of it, but if he's not feeling is he really alive? he won't find his true smile any other way. ]
Hmmm.... [ ramuda's been marked before, consensual or otherwise. but never once has anyone given him any real choice in the matter.
he lets his arms drop to his sides so he can pull down the fabric of his pants some. far enough to reveal his right hip. yes here will do; no one else will see it unless he wants them to. his fingers tap across his skin there, like he's playing keys on a piano. ]
Here β~. But you better still fuck me after.
[ this is insane, he knows. but he also won't be denied. ]
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[He tells himself he should think better of leaving a visible mark on Ramuda, but sometimes good intentions lose to impulse. Electricity snaps across his tongue just before impactβ then the pain blooms, sharp and exquisite, as his teeth break the skin on Ramuda's hip and sink in. Blood beads up and spills over.
Nothing that won't heal in due time, of course, but perhaps it will scar prettily. Give Ramuda something to notice in the mirror, to remember him by. Lobelia has always believed the best gifts are the permanent ones, the visceral ones.]
Malheureusement, I have nothing on hand to make this less fricative.
[In other words: no lube. They'll both regret this in their own ways, but it hardly matters. Lobelia has never feared a little lingering pain, and he doubts Ramuda does either. Still, he won't be entertaining any complaints later if Ramuda can't walk in a straight line without folding in half.
In either case, his fingers latch into the waistband of Ramuda's pants, his underwear, poised to tug them off and away.]
no subject
(it will scar and be a visceral reminder on the otherside of the choices he made without thinking, and how he lost both his heart and head in them.) ]
Mmmn, that just means I'll feel you for longer~. [ ramuda will lift his hips to help in tugging his bottoms off, his cozy oversized wear making at least this part easy. his underwear is adorable also, because of course it is. he is also very aroused, but lobelia knew this already, didn't he? ]